happy fool notions

a photo a day: day 11

2010-11-11T11:52:00.001-08:00

11 november: taking advantage of a day off at my local coffee shop

a photo a day: day 10

2010-11-10T11:50:00.000-08:00

10 november: morning coffee run on the way to work

a photo a day: day 9

2010-11-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

09 november: meeting a friend for a conversation and a beer

a photo a day: day 8

2010-11-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

08 november: an old great oak

a photo a day: day 7

2010-11-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

07 november: crockpot cooking

a photo a day: day 6

2010-11-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

06 november: italian fig tree

a photo a day: day 5

2010-11-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

05 november: brilliant fallen leaves

a photo a day: day 4

2010-11-04T15:11:00.001-07:00

04 november: my pretty car

a photo a day: day 3

2010-11-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

3 november: green boots and more sunshine

a photo a day: days 1 & 2

2010-11-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

i haven't blogged in ages, but i liked this challenge presented by kristen and rebekah to take one image a day that captures something i'm grateful for. my creative outlets have been mostly dormant for these last several months, but i thought this challenge might cause something to stir inside me as i intentionally look for beauty in my every day.

01 november: rainboots and leaves

02 november: lunchbreak flowers at the market

10 on 10 on 10

2008-10-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

i finally remembered to tote my camera with me to work this month so here are some glimpses into my day...

a king protea sitting on my dining room table with the morning light in the background making my windows wet with condensation. i bought the proteas a few days ago because they reminded me of south africa...

casual friday, leaving the house for work

the sky outside my office window...the clouds were shape shifters, constantly changing their shape with the blustery wind.

the blood mobile was on campus and this was my first attempt at donating, but the wait was over an hour long.

another picture of the sky, the clouds had all blown away at this point.

i do work at a beautiful place, and it's most apparent during this season, the brick and the autumn light seem to add to the scholarly feel of things.

the flagpole in the middle of the loop, you can tell by the way the flag furls that it was indeed a windy day.

lunch at my desk

my second attempt at giving blood, i was first in line after their afternoon break.

success! though i must admit it did hurt a bit more than usual.

6:10::10

2008-06-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

how can june already be a third of the way over? here are some snapshots of my day yesterday for the 10 on 10 photojournal project.

the view from my new bedroom window

my work station

the view from my work office window

where i work: peterson hall

i liked the way the water drops nested in the veins of the leaf

my summer program website: artwork courtesy of b. gough

artwork on my office wall

a beautiful plant in the spu loop

my new living room...above ground and with windows that let the light inside. i love that i can see shadows!

my empty apartment that i was doing some final cleaning in last night after work.

a 10 on 10 thwarted

2008-05-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

so i fully intended to participate in the may installment of the 10 on 10 photo project. i was so glad that it was a saturday so i wouldn't be confined to a cubicle and an office environment. the day got a bit of a slow start; i'd been battling a cough for a little over a week and so i decided to get as much rest in the morning as possible before dragging myself out of bed.

i finally got up and had plans to get some laundry in the washing machine before i headed off to an open house as i am apartment hunting once again. check and check. after the disappointment the apartment turned out to be, i decided to stop at a coffee shop and enjoy a latte. of course, sitting in coffeeshops--reading, writing, people watching, crossword-puzzling--is one of my very favorite things to do. about 20 minutes into my time there, i started feeling rather cold. i was feeling myself getting more uncomfortable and achy by the minute so i packed up my things, and headed home, with a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up a thermometer.

no sooner was i home than i found myself curled up on the couch, piled high with blankets and shivering like crazy. my temperature not so slowly climbed from 100.5 to 102.3. i was miserable and i couldn't seem to find any way to get warm. my body was wracked with aches and my lingering cough has been keeping me up at night.

that was saturday. today is monday and i'm home sick from work, having endured what i hope was the worst of my fever yesterday evening when my temperature spiked at 102.9. today it's been hovering between 99.4 and 102.2. any suggestions for how to get rid of this nasty thing? i don't think i've been this sick since i was in highschool. ugh!

all that said, below are the couple of pictures i took before my illness left me a weak and pathetic prisoner chained for the last 3 days to my couch.

4:10::10

2008-04-10T23:13:00.000-07:00

today i decided to join in the fun of photojournaling my day! my photos are nothing fancy, and i certainly had to remind myself to take pictures. i was moderately successful and today was a very good day so i'm glad i have some reminders as evidence.

a house in bloom

2008-03-26T15:04:00.000-07:00

here is an collage of some of the many flowers i've received during my hospital stay and recovery time at home. aren't they beautiful? i'm one lucky girl!

recovery

2008-03-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

hello world. i know it's been a long time since i've attempted to write anything in this forum. so it's with a lot of time on my hands and my friend tiffany's words swirling in my head ("i look at your blog every day checking for something new and all i see is 'south africa photos'!"), here's an attempt at reentering this world.

it's funny that this should be the time that i attempt to find something to say, as my life is not very full or busy at the moment. in fact, my days are rather simple, and primarily consist of sleeping in, making myself a cup of coffee when i finally do get up, and sitting around my apartment reading a lot and watching the occasional movie or season 1 of "friends" that was lent to me on dvd. i am home for an extended period of time recovering from an invasive surgery. yes, i am mostly housebound. and when you live in a basement apartment and it's brilliantly spring outside, cabin fever can run rampant. i know how quickly spring can make her appearance known and i get anxious with feeling like i am missing all of the cherry and plum blossoms and bright yellow daffodils, and my favorite, the magnolia trees.

but right now my job is healing. how strange is that? i've never been the best at "taking care of myself". i'd much rather tend to someone else's needs than my own, and i'm terrible at asking for help. and now here i find myself in a position where i've had to rely on other people to help care for me.

the response has actually been almost overwhelming...in a good way, of course. one of my dear friends organized for people to make and deliver dinners to me for two whole weeks! i've been so grateful to receive these meals and humbled by the generosity of the folks who have participated by giving their time and resources to furnish me with a tasty dinner and some very welcome company.

to be honest, it's taken some getting used to for this would-be hermit, having so many people step up and offer their services to me. it's been a good lesson for this girl, who has talked pretty openly on this blog about my struggles with loneliness and lack of connection in recent years. through this experience, i've had to allow my friends to be just that, my friends--i've had to open myself up to receive the gifts of their presence and their aforementioned generosity.

i know some of you who read this (if there's anyone left reading besides tiffany) are part of that number, and i just want to say a very sincere thank you. i have been blessed beyond measure to see how many people are available to me and willing to share their lives with me.

south africa photos

2007-11-05T17:40:00.001-08:00

if any of you are interested in viewing more photos from my trip, you can look at them here: http://picasaweb.google.com/happyfoolnotions. i hope to tell more tales in the future, but for now, the photos will have to suffice.

the writing life

2007-11-05T15:54:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was invited to attend a writer's workshop in la conner as part of their art's alive festival weekend. having just returned from my month-long excursion to south africa, and having my journal remain mostly painfully bare with very little documentaion of that month, i decided to accept the invitation.

i'm so grateful i did. luci shaw, a poet, essayist, and all around lover of words was the guest writer and she was a delight. beautiful, distinguished, and so spry you're fooled into thinking she's at least twenty years younger than her almost 80 years, the afternoon spent listening to her stories, her poetry, her encouragement, was a gift.

she reminded me what it means to attend--to be attentive to the ordinary occurences in day to day life, to mine out the beauty and explore the connections and the meanings and the mysteries waiting to be discovered. taking the time to sit with pen to paper, and open yourself up to your thoughts is a way to engage with your own story, your own place in this world. and reflecting on that story is an exercise that is well worth the time and effort that is required of you.

one story that she offered about being encouraged in her own life, really resonated inside me and i feel compelled to share it here, too. she told of her old college professor, her mentor in her writing, who became a life-long friend. long after he retired, she spoke to him on the phone one evening and this is what he said to her: "luci, you are the real deal. you are a poet, and i love you." he passed away the next morning, but he left her with a precious gift. he named her. and in calling her to embody what she was, he challenged her to continue to be just that, to go on living out her identity.

i think that when you have someone in your life who believes in you, you don't want to disappoint them. it makes who you can become so much more possible. i think we all need such voices in our life.

i left that afternoon spent in the sun-sprinkled loft above the next chapter bookstore inspired to not only be more intentional about spending more time writing and reflecting about my life and this world around me, but to look for ways to intentionally see into people and encourage them to be more fully who they already are.

here's to living more deeply...

glimpses of south africa

2007-10-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

i haven't been posting like i hoped i would, but i decided i should at least post a handful of pictures to give you all a glimpse of what i've been experiencing for the past few weeks. i'm having an amazing time, meeting great people and have had the great fortune to cast my eyes on so many beautiful things. i'll let the pictures speak for themselves. enjoy!

Paarl and the Drakenstein Valley

Paarl Rock

kids in Mbekweni township

me and my buddy Thabo

outside Drakenstein Prison, the last place Mandela stayed before he was released after 27 years as a political prisoner

beautiful farm country along the N2, one of the most stunning roadways i've ever had the pleasure to cast eyes upon

Botlierskop Game Reserve

a white rhino

a hungry lion

giraffes gracefully running away from the sound of the helicopter hovering overhead

the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront and clouds obscuring Table Mountain in the top right

a different view and Table Mountain on a clearer day

Wine Country and Wine Tasting

tokara vineyards, stellenbosch

hazendal winery, est. 1699

tasting at boschendal winery

jackass penguins at simon's town, named for the donkey sound they make

Tidepool Exploring and Whale Watching, Hermanus

exploring with water

the star shell was crawling...

a southern right whale breaching...amazing!

time flies

2007-09-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

it's amazing how quickly the time seems to disappear. i know i'm not a faithful blogger, but it's crazy for me to look at my last post (from june!!) and see that i was announcing my trip to south africa. now, in two days from now, i will board a plane at sea-tac airport and make my way to cape town, south africa, via london, england. it is really hard to believe it's so near. in so many ways it seems so far off...so abstract. yet my reality will change in 48 short hours from now, in a land some 10,000 miles and a whole hemisphere away.

like i've said, i've needed a break, and to know that i will have the chance to get my hands dirty and serve, makes me light with anticipation. it will be a long journey, but i know it will be worth the distance.

thanks to all of you who are excited with me for this adventure. i hope that through this experience, i will be a person who is faithful to learn about what this coming month has to teach me, that i will be softened and molded into something that is reflective of who i long to become, and that i will grow in courage and boldness as i encounter and dive into things i've never done before.

i will try to update this lonely little blog while i'm away, but i am making no promises as i do not as yet know what my access to the internet will be.

as they say in south africa, stay well, my friends.

it's official!

2007-06-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

for so long i've been craving some kind of movement in my life. i've felt resigned to a sort of complacent stagnancy over the past couple years and for one reason or another i've been unable to cultivate the kind of adventure and purpose i want my life to sing of. well, with a bit of trepidation here and there, small and tenative steps have been made over the past several months and i have exciting news to share.

i will be going to the beautiful land of south africa for a month in october to spend some time volunteering with a wonderful couple who have recently made this grand place their home. and now it's truly official as i purchased my ticket yesterday!

i suppose now that the news has been shared, i should give a bit of background to how i find myself excitedly anticipating this upcoming journey. first of all, i've been in seattle for a long time...longer than i've lived anywhere in my life since moving here to attend college in 1993. i can hardly believe i've lived here that long! seattle has been the home i've loved and felt a part of for so many great years. i've built beautiful friendships, belonged to a rich community, and discovered more about becoming myself than i ever have before.

somehow in recent years though i've felt a loosening of those things in my life, and now more than ever before, i find myself untethered, often floating adrift in some kind of sea of loneliness and longing desperately for some kind of way out of it all. most of you who know me well, know my introverted tendencies. and what this leads to of course, is that i often turn inwards, spending way too much time inside my head instead of reaching out to those who might help bring some sort of respite to this current state of mind.

in trying to dream up some sort of way out of this place, i realized that the best way to take the focus off oneself is to have a shift of perspective, and i can think of no better way to do that than through the act of service.

this brings me to going to south africa. i've long been drawn to this country, and it's a stirring that i'm not quite sure i fully understand. i only know that my soul was first gripped when i read cry the beloved country by alan paton back in high school and the hold has never since been loosed. this book painted a picture of a beautiful country ravaged by injustice and cruelty, but that was still so full of hope and the possibility for redemption and reconciliation. it's these themes that keep bringing me back, that inspire me to try to weave my own story into one that hopes to foster these qualities as i live in the everyday.

a couple years ago i met the parents of an acquaintance who had been making several trips to south africa every year and were planning on moving there full time to work and serve in the community. i recently contacted them, sharing a bit about my story and my current place in life and asked them if they'd be willing to have me come out and do some volunteer work alongside them. we met and shared a wonderful dinner during their recent visit to the states, and we spent time chatting and getting to know one another. the next day they graciously extended an invitation for me to visit them in south africa this fall.

my heart is full of possibility. like i said, i need movement in my life and the anticipation of casting my eyes on the african soil in a few short months is causing hope to rise up from deep inside of me. this is exactly the change i've been needing, something to pull me out of my malaise and actually do something with my life. wish me luck as i step into this new adventure!

the present

2007-03-15T11:43:00.001-07:00

there are too many things going on inside me that i feel unable to give proper updates on the happenings of my life these days. so i turn again to annie dillard as she has been my primary companion as of late. i hope my few readers don't get sick of my talking about her. the chapter i'm most currently wading my way through is called "the present".

"catch it if you can," she implores in the opening lines. she goes on to describe, in a way that only she can, certain poignant moments in her life when she's been witness to "eternity opening onto time". another way of saying it is our glimpse of the present in the present. the earlier referenced tree with the lights in it is one such moment for her.

"experiencing the present purely is being emptied and hollow; you catch grace as a man fills his cup under a waterfall." there's this great tension inside me when i read these words. because i want to be fully present in the moment. i want to learn how to empty myself of all of the struggles and stressors, the busyness and the constant noise of life. but rarely do i find that a simple task. there is often so much that drowns out the possibity of truly emptying oneself.

i've had a few such moments of beauty in my life time. and they are indeed treasures i hold lovingly in my memory. do you know those times when you almost feel as though you are outside of time, you revel in the perfectness of being captured aloft by what is taking place both around you and inside you? it's as though those worlds intersect and you are completely unaware of yourself. those are the moments i think we all long for...to be fully outside of ourselves.

annie goes on to speak about self-consciousness being the destroyer of such moments. the instant you become aware of yourself in those moments of beauty, you lose the gift of being. self-consciousness takes us out of the present and it is a fierce battle to wage against. for isn't it so difficult to fully "be" when we're so preoccupied with who we think we're supposed to be or who we think others want us to be? i know i struggle desperately with my identity--with what expectations i imagine are placed on me.

lately, i've been so caught up in myself, so thoroughly self-concious, if you will, that i've been very guilty of squandering the present. my evenings, i'm ashamed to admit, have most recently been taken up with me burning my eyes out in front of the television set. any thing to distract myself from my present--because at the moment, my present is filled with deep loneliness and profound discontent.

it seems as though there's a great challenge presented to us in these places, and that is to learn how to navigate this tension between being "alive" in the present and not shying away from a less than happy existence. right now the sadness i am enveloped in is the most tangible part of my current existence. how do i find a way through the disparity that exists between my longing for wholeness and possibility with my current place of dissatisfaction and sadness?

i'm reminded of a quote from one of my favorite authors, frederick buechner:
"even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead."

i'm looking ahead to a time when i will be able to make peace with what is holding me in a tightly clenched fist and experience the freedom and joy that comes with that kind of victory.

winter

2007-02-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

i'm still making my way through pilgrim at tinker creek. it's a book that must be read slowly and deliberately as annie dillard sees with the detailed eye of a scientist and writes with the refined language of a poet. the chapter i was reading today is titled "winter". as i was making my way through the chapter, this being the middle of february, i found it easy to pay attention to the things she was describing.

she talked of the creek frozen over by the winter cold. what i was most transfixed by was her description of the life that pulses beneath the layers of ice--frogs buried deep in the mud at the bottom of the creek, absorbing bits of oxygen through their porous skin, turtles breathing posteriorly where sensitive tissues filter oxygen straight to the blood and act as gills.(how bizarre and amazing!)

these creatures who would otherwise be unable to survive the harsh winter weather, are able to tuck themselves safely under water, away from the deadly path of the frostbitten landscape. but because they go dormant, they are survivors. they lie in wait through the winter months, knowing that with the advent of spring comes the thaw, when they will once again be able to return to the surface, to land, and breathe in the life-giving air through more familiar means.

this passage struck me because this season is my winter too--due to more than just the cold weather and leafless trees. this is a season of barrenness and my heart feels chilled and frostbitten. but reading these words--words of life teeming beneath a frozen exterior--i wonder at the possibility of life beating inside me right now. how long will this winter last? what will the promise of spring awaken in my heart? do i have what it takes to be a survivor too?

while these questions don't have ready answers, i will use this time to try and find beauty in the barren landscape. and i will wait for the snow to melt...

the tree with the lights in it

2007-02-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

"when the doctor took her bandages off and led her into the garden, the girl who was no longer blind saw 'the tree with the lights in it'. it was for this tree i searched through the peach orchards of summer, in the forests of fall and down winter and spring for years. then one day i was walking along tinker creek thinking of nothing at all and i saw the tree with the lights in it. i saw the backyard cedar where the mourning doves roost charged and transfigured, each cell buzzing with flame. i stood on the grass with the lights in it, grass that was wholly fire, utterly focused and utterly dreamed. it was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen, knocked breathless by a powerful glance. the flood of fire abated, but i'm still spending the power. gradually the lights went out in the cedar, the colors died, the cells unflamed and disappeared. i was still ringing. i had been my whole life a bell, and never knew it until at that moment i was lifted and struck. i have since only very rarely seen the tree with the lights in it. the vision comes and goes, mostly goes, but i live for it, for the moment when the mountains open and a new light roars in spate through the crack, and the mountains slam."

i've been rereading annie dillard's pilgrim at tinker creek and this passage always stops me in my tracks, makes me yearn for some such gift of sight--a way of seeing that confirms one of my deepest longings--to be myself seen, which is to say, to be wholly known. my heart is still so full of longing...

sunshine

2007-01-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

a regal madrona tree in discovery park

there's something about a sunny day in the middle of winter that makes me feel hopeful. i can't quite explain it, but it stirs something inside me and i feel like i can do anything i set my mind to--that nothing is out of reach. i feel like i have all the energy in the world. i want to be productive--clean the house, exercise, go for a long walk and let the crisp, cool air fill my lungs.

i was fortunate enough to spend a few hours in one of my favorite coffee shops this morning as i had some work that was better done away from the distractions of office phones and emails. so i sat at a table by the window and was blessed to see the sun overhead, casting beautiful wintery shadows as i looked out across the street.

the sun seems to move so quickly on winter days that you have to take every advantage to bask in its rare appearances. and being out of the office for a few short hours today gave me just such an opportunity. if it hadn't been quite so chilly, i think i would have tried to sit outside on one of the adirondack chairs to complete my work, but as it was, i got to be warmed by the sun from my window perch just the same.

on my way back to the office i caught a glimpse of the always amazing olympic mountains, glorious in all their snow-capped majesty. i don't think i will ever grow tired of gazing at these mountains. there is something so powerfully alluring about them for me...they make me full of wonder, awe-struck by their immensity, and again, full of hope and so much possibility.

weekend reprieve

2007-01-22T15:37:00.000-08:00

it's monday. which means i'm back in the office after a weekend respite from cubicles and computer screens. just that break alone is always a treat. i went into this weekend with no real plans on the horizon, but things shaped up quite nicely.

leaving work on friday night, i decided on a whim to text my friend conners to see if he'd like to join me for a beer at my neighborhood pub. thankfully, his evening was open as well and we met up at hilltop for some fun conversation. we ran into a couple guys we know and ended up sharing a table and some laughs with them. a pleasant way to spend a friday evening for sure.

saturday morning i met up with an acquaintance for breakfast to talk about some future possibilities that involve volunteering and travelling--two things in which i place great value. i'll talk more about that some other time, but for now i'll just say it was a morning well spent and one that makes my heart feel full with possibility. we enjoyed lovely conversation and a yummy breakfast courtesy of the dish. if you've never visited this place, i highly recommend it. they make some of the best eggs in seattle!

after breakfast i took a little road trip down to the booming metropolis of chehalis to visit toby for the remainder of weekend. he's been working for the state down in lewis county for the last month and a half as part of a disaster recovery team aiding people who were affected by the floods from earlier this winter. it was fun to get out of the city for a spell and get a taste of the slower pace of small town life. we really had a relaxing time complete with a nice dinner at mcmenniman's pub in centralia, a drive out to the coast at ocean shores, coffee and crossword puzzling at caffe vita in olympia and an evening movie in lacey.

my favorite part was probably the drive out to the washington coast. it's so completely different from the southern california coast i grew up with, it's sometimes hard to believe it's the same body of water. the ocean is always so vast, and it's beauty and power so mesmerizing. the washington coast is very rugged, particularly so in the middle of winter. the skies were grey, the tide was rising, and the wind was there to take our breath away.

the rain stopped long enough for us to take a walk along the beach, which was a veritable wasteland of broken clam shells and abandoned crab carapaces. it was haunting in a way that made me long for the life-renewing springtime--the season where instead of seeing carcasses, you see little creatures scurrying about, where evidence of life, not death is all around. but it's also a reminder that this life is full of seasons, that the cycle continues, and were it not for the cold and dark of winter, we might forget to value the gift of new life we're given each spring.

shore birds running to and fro as the tide ebbs and flows

a crazy tangle of kelp

the beautiful stump of a once grand tree

waves crashing on the jetty

first post of the new year

2007-01-10T11:32:00.000-08:00

i've been ignoring this blog for what feels like a lack of something to write about. after a week in san diego over christmas and a few days back in seattle before heading back to work, it now seems as though my life has settled into a very quiet, uneventful routine. i know i need to find something in which to invest my self and my time, but it often seems like the dolldrums of a seattle winter make finding motivation to do so a bit ellusive. living in a basement apartment doesn't really help either.

the day after christmas, my siblings and i went on a hike with my dad to the torrey pines state reserve. traipsing along the sand-encrusted trails overlooking the beautiful pacific in 65 degree weather, i suddenly realized the appeal of southern california winters. i thought about my home in seattle, knowing it was probably in the 40s and raining and was grateful for the chance to be outside and active.

but then i came back to seattle and what weather we've had! rain yes, but then snow! more snow than i think i've seen in all my many winters here. and then unseasonably cold weather that actually made the snow stick around for more than a few hours. it has been charming indeed, late openings for the office, and even an unexpected but very welcome snow day earlier this week.

i spent the morning taking a long walk outside in the wintery world. snow everywhere, everything dusted and silenced by the beautiful white. the crunch of wet snow beneath my feet made me smile with each step i took. i spent the early afternoon in one of my favorite neighborhood coffee shops crossword puzzling and knitting. it was a perfect day indeed.

my most recent obsession has been knitting. i'm not typically the type of person to get wrapped up in something for extended periods of time nor am i a very crafty or creative person, but for some reason, i've become a frighteningly obsessive knitter! i recently started (and quickly finished) a new project, a felted tote bag, and i couldn't get enough of it. i was so curious to see how it was going to turn out, i worked on it every spare moment i had. i think i spent a good five or six hours a night knitting. i pushed past the hand cramps and stiff neck and shoulders and got into a frenzied rhythm. the clicking of the bamboo needles became the metronome of my evenings. and now i have a very fun bag to share with you all. i still need to figure out what to do for handles so if any of you crafty folks have suggestions, i would be very grateful.

here are pictures of the finished product, the first one is after i finished knitting, the second one is after the felting.

I've now started a new bag and am trying to be a little more deliberate with a pattern, though the haphazzard color changes of the first bag was definitely fun to play around with. are any of you working on any fun things these days?

drink it up

2006-12-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

i never knew how absolutely stunning giraffes were until i had the pleasure of seeing them in all their grandeur in their natural habitat--the wild african wilderness at the nakuru game park in kenya. my impression of them immediately changed from imagining them to simply be tall, spotted animals with really long necks to being amazingly graceful creatures. when they run it's as if you're watching something in slow motion, as though time has slowed down to allow you to take in every aspect of this beautiful animal. i also remember being shocked at how brilliant their colors were--they weren't just yellow and brown, but cast against the grassy plains of kenya, they were royal gold and burnished chestnut. the intricate patterns that adorn their bodies were beautiful tapestries.

i fell in love with those animals. and ever since i had the pleasure of seeing them in the wild, i've remembered that transformation in me, that by seeing them with new eyes, i was able to see their wonder in a whole new way. giraffes have made me smile ever since because i believe i know something about them that i never knew before. they are beautiful.

the reason i mention this is because i recently received a wonderful birthday gift in the mail from a dear friend i traveled in africa with. it is a wooden-carved giraffe whose body is the shape of a bowl and whose neck comes up and drinks out of the bowl as though it were a life-giving pool. it might sound strange when i try to describe it, so i'm including a picture of it so you can experience this little gem for yourself.

along with the bowl, she included several stones inscripted with words. these words have deep meaning for me because each one is something i hope to have realized in my life, something i hope to someday have exhibited as part of my character.

the words: hope. faith. dignity. courage. wisdom. strength. blessed.

i placed them in the bowl so the giraffe can drink them up, a reminder of sorts to me, to drink these things in as well. drink up hope so that each day is something to look forward to. drink up faith so that my heart has something to carry me. drink up dignity so that i can treat each as if they are the most precious person alive and so that i can know that the preciousness applies to myself as well. drink up courage so that i can overcome my fears that too often keep me paralyzed. drink up wisdom so that i will forever be teachable. drink up strength so that i am able to live this life with compassion and bravery. drink up blessedness so that i remember that this life i have is a generous gift sacred because of its awareness of being blessed.

i find myself aware of the fact that i often fall short of being the person i long to be. there is so much room for growth and i hope to always be manifesting it in my life in some way or another. i'm grateful for this gift so that i can remember to drink from this life-giving pool daily, that in reflecting on these words, i take them inside me and let them nourish me and sustain me. i long to be transformed.

my noble fir

2006-12-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

i went tree hunting with a friend sunday night after church and it was a treat to have company to aid me in the selection process. i generally know what kind of christmas trees i like--my family has always had noble firs--and they suit me well too. i like their fullness, their sturdiness, the air of regailty they present, as though they are trying to live up to the dignity of their name. so thankfully, after only about five minutes at the tree lot, i found a tree that was quite satisfactory. it was big enough to feel like it wasn't just a sapling, but seemed small enough to fit into my tiny basement apartment.

last night when i got home from work, i set to the task of putting up and decorating my tree. i brought it in from outside, moved some furniture around to make space for it and then to my dismay, discovered i had to kind of force it into its space. apparently my judge of size wasn't as accurate as i had hoped and it fit a bit more snugly than i wanted it to. after a moment of frustration, i decided to ignore this fact and let it be big and full and a little overwhelming and began decorating to my little heart's content.

my collection of christmas decorations is pretty meager as all of the ornaments i picked out as a child are still adorning my mom's tree in san diego. i have tried to organize ornament exchanges with friends and coworkers over the past few years in an attempt remedy this to a degree and have been somewhat successful. i think one of the best parts about ornaments is the stories that accompany them. as each one is unwrapped and placed on the tree, i love to remember when i got it and who gave it to me.

this year, the newest addition to my tree came by way of a special second birthday gift from toby's parents. they had already given me a beautiful amaryillis bulb that's sitting on my kitchen table trying its hardest to grow. but when toby's mom heard that i didn't have very many ornaments by which to beautify my tree, she sent me a box of lovely heart-shaped glass ornaments. i hung them with great care and gratitude at the thoughtful gift.

and now i present to you my tree. i hope you all are having fun reveling in the christmas spirit, staying cozy in your homes and spending time taking in the beauty that is all around you.

things worth celebrating

2006-12-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

last night a handful of my friends here in seattle gathered to help me celebrate my birthday. 31 years. for some reason that number doesn't just roll off my tongue as easily as i'd like.

we met at a place called the sitting room, a cozy, european-style bar that was converted from an old garage into a charming venue. it is dimly lit, with little candles casting a warm glow on each table and they offer a variety of wines and cocktails as well as a tasty assortment of appetizers. it was a gift for me to sit around the table and watch my friends from various phases in my life visit with each other and engage in simple conversation.

as i looked at each face, i was reminded of years of history and was grateful for all of the ways my life has been blessed by the pleasure and presence of these friendships. each person at the table represents books full of memories to me--some are old roommates, some are both old and new co-workers, some i've stood beside as they've pledged their lives to one another, others i've travelled the world with, and still others i've cried with, laughed with and been held by. i love them all.

sometimes it seems the older we get, the easier it is to let these types of connections slip away. sometimes the distance is created by geography, other times by major changes in life that create a shift in priorities. last night was a reminder to me that sharing your life with others is a precious gift and one that i don't want to forget to nurture and let fall by the wayside.

i am grateful to know such a crazy variety of people, all with their unique stories, their different ways of looking at the world, their beautiful attempts at living lives with purpose and passion.

thank you, friends, for letting me into your worlds.

my brother

2006-11-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

last night i had the distinct pleasure of hanging out with my little brother jon. standing in at a towering 6'3" i suppose it's no longer completely accurate to call him my little brother, but being that it's a habit i've never really wanted to let go of, i now refer to him fondly as my not-so-little-little brother. being more than seven years my junior, he will forever be my baby brother.

jon moved back to seattle in march after a nine-month post-college stint in san diego and it was a true joy for me to have him back. he's the only family i have here in washington and what's been beautiful for me is to have the chance to foster a real grown-up relationship with him.

when i moved here to seattle so many years ago now, he was a little ten year old boy, and experiencing very different things than his wide-eyed collegiate sister. because he was so young when i moved away from home, i always felt like i missed out on so much of his childhood and even though we had a special big-sister/little-brother bond, i often wondered if the distance that separated us would ever be able to be bridged.

fast forward thirteen years to the present and i can say with grateful assurance that my brother has grown into someone of whom i am truly proud. as we sat at our favorite place "prost!" over a couple of beers, watching the rain-soaked street filled with evening passers-by, i was thankful for how easily conversation and laughter flowed. we share a lot of the same loves like music and traveling, the same discontent with status quo life, the same antsy-ness at being chained to a desk for the standard 8-hour days. and because our hearts understand and feel some of the same things, i can rest safely in the knowledge that we are connected by more than just blood, connected by a fierce loyalty and love and longing for what this world holds for us.

i am thankful for my brother.

post #2

2006-11-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

for some reason, coming up with a post #2 seems more difficult than the first entry. i feel the temptation to put it off indefinitely because to write again means that i'm actually taking this blog thing seriously, which also means i feel like i must have something clever or interesting to share. i think i could get overwhelmed by all the built-up pressure and never write another thing, which is why i decided to just post again today and get it over with--to make it a discipline of sorts, even though i really have no idea what exactly it is that i'm doing.

so i apologize for this ramble which in a sense is really a non-post, but i'm just trying to break in the tread on my brave shoes in the hopes that sharing myself in this way might some day soon become a little less frightening and a little more familiar.

hope is rising...

a beginning

2006-11-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

i've been contemplating this idea for a long time...a place to explore thoughts with words. i think i have a love/hate relationship with technology and have always been a little bit hesitant to put myself out there, so to speak, to this vast, often faceless world of the internet. what i have witnessed though, over the past year or so of reading my friends' blogs, is that i love seeing little snapshots of people living their lives, of the ways their minds and hearts spill forth through their attempts at connecting and sharing the stories of their days.

connection has felt a bit elusive to me these days, and i recognize that i need to be the one to take the steps to begin to try and foster that in my life again. as we find ourselves spread out both in our various stages of life and geographically, my longing is to hold on more tightly than ever to the people in my life who have loved me and made my life richer because of their presence and their friendship.

this new venture is an attempt to crawl outside of myself, to play with language and words, and to think deliberately about what it means to navigate this life in a manner that is full of beautiful possibility. i have no idea how often i will feel like i have something to share, but i'm willing to give it a try.

so a fond hello to all of you out there in this blogging world. this is me.